Raising Responsible and Sensible Sons: A Crucial Step Toward Reducing Rape Cases in India
Raising Responsible and Sensible Sons: A Crucial Step Toward Reducing Rape Cases in India
When I was a young girl, I faced countless situations where I had to deal with the malicious intentions of the boys and men around me. However, in most such cases, the situations were limited to undesirable touching and revolting comments. Still, the problem was not so bad that women could not walk the streets without feeling threatened all the time. Unfortunately, the situation has become much worse over the past couple of decades. The bone-chilling rape and murder of a resident doctor in Kolkata is just the latest in a series of unthinkable crimes against women that have taken place over the past several years.
Facing the Grim Reality
With the morality of men having vanished, no girl or woman feels safe today, no matter where they are, or what they are doing. Rape and molestation have become an everyday occurrence. Sadly, people committing such heinous crimes are no longer satisfied with just robbing a female of her modesty and dignity. They have now stooped to the level of treating their victims like rag dolls and breaking not only their spirits but also their bodies. The very idea of raising a son and a daughter in this constantly deteriorating social set-up seemed frightening to me.
Identifying the Problem
So, what is the solution to this problem, which is eating into the very fabric of our society? I spent countless nights pondering this question. I constantly worried about whether or not I would be successful in bringing my children up with the right values and beliefs. I could not find a satisfactory solution to this problem even after reading numerous articles and talking to friends and relatives. The common perception was that bringing in more stringent laws, making way for legal reform, and teaching self-defense to females could prove effective. However, I felt that all these measures are secondary and are unlikely to provide the desired outcome unless the basic issue is addressed. This led me to think about the basic causes that have led to a significant increase in the instances of such heinous and inhuman crimes against women.
I did not have to think long. The problem became evident by simply observing the actions and behaviors of the men around me. I soon came to realize that the men felt threatened by the growing independence of women. For centuries, men had been taught that they were superior to women and ought to be served by them their entire lives. Be it their mother, their sister, their wife, or their daughter, a woman was expected to follow the decisions of the men in every aspect. However, this mindset has changed over the past several decades, with women exerting their equality in every field.
Where Does the Fault Lie?
While this is a good thing, the problem lies in the fact that women overlooked the need to work towards changing the mindset of men accordingly. I came to this conclusion remembering the behavior of my female relatives, friends, and acquaintances with their husbands, brothers, sons, and other male relatives. Many of these women are quite well-educated career professionals and yet they put the men in their life on some kind of a pedestal, like a God.
My parents encouraged me to study hard and build a career before marriage. They wanted me to be an independent woman who could live her life the way she liked. However, many of my friends were not so fortunate. While their parents wanted them to excel in their studies, they also instilled in them the age-old notion that they had to abide by the wishes of their in-laws after my marriage. There were countless such examples where my friends’ sense of equality with their male siblings was shattered without any suitable explanation.
This analysis helped me conclude that unless we eradicate this sense of superiority in men they cannot respect and treat women as their equal. And until that happens, we cannot expect the instances rape and molestation of women to reduce if not cease completely. And the onus of bringing about this change lies on the parents of boys, especially their mothers. This realization reduced my anxiety somewhat and gave me peace of mind that I had not felt in a long time. I decided to implement the following changes in my interaction with my children from that day itself. My husband assured me of his 100% support in this context as he was equally anxious about making his kids morally strong.
Steps We Took
Me and my husband agreed that children tend to closely follow the values, attitudes, and behaviors of their parents. So, every small step we take can contribute towards gradually making our society safer for girls. For starters, we decided to inculcate the following values in our son not only by informing him about the same but also by leading by example.
Gender Equality: Our son is still quite young being just 2 years old. We understood the importance of instilling a sense of gender equality in him even at this early age. To ensure the same, we encouraged them to perform small household chores appropriate to his age. These are generally restricted to placing his dirty utensils in the sink and picking his things. My husband helps me with more complex household tasks such as doing the dishes and cleaning and mopping. Many a times my son has tried to imitate his father and wash his own dishes. This has assured us that we are on the right path for teaching him gender equality at this tender age.
Importance of Consent: My son recently developed this habit of looking into our cupboard and drawers and taking out the things he liked. I scolded him for taking our things without permission and told him it was wrong. He innocently expressed me with gesture that I also do the same and so it must not be wrong. At first, I was quite surprised and even angry by his expression. But upon reflection I realized that he often sees me doing similar things when I pick up his books, or toys, or even his clothes. So, rather than trying to tell him that I was only helping him, I used this opportunity to teach him the importance of consent. So, I told him that I was sorry for my bad behaviour and asked him to do the same. Then I promised him that I will not touch him or his things without seeking his permission first. I also made him promise me that he would not touch anything not belonging to him before seeking proper permission for the same.
Being Empathetic: Me and my husband always encourage our son to express his emotions freely to us. We have never scolded him or compared him to a girl whenever he cries. Rather, we explained to him that crying is a healthy activity as it helps expand your lungs and cleanses our eyes. He is too young to understand the stereotypical thinking behind prohibiting boys from crying or expressing their emotions openly. So, we try to teach him in ways which he can easily comprehend and evolve into a more empathetic individual. Me and my husband often talk to him about his feelings. My husband also encourages him to comfort me when I am upset and not to do anything that might make others feel bad.
Upholding Righteousness: Finally, we intended to teach our son to have the courage to stand up for what is right. We do this by following the traditional method of narrating folk tales and stories to him about people who fought for the right thing. Listening to the stories of these heroes we try to inspire him greatly and to help in boosting his confidence. We also praise him for his good behavior or when he points out something that he believes is wrong. At the same time, we educate him about the consequences of bad behavior and how it might hurt people. When I take him out to play, I tell him to be fair and helpful towards his playmates. Most importantly I teach him the need to apologize when he has done something wrong and why it is an integral part of upholding righteousness.
Still, A Long Way To Go
We are well aware of the fact that eliminating centuries of stereotypes and male-dominated mindsets is not an easy task. But we also know that the longest journey begins with a single step and by implementing the above-discussed parenting methodologies we have taken that first step. I urge you all to take similar steps to bring about a positive change in our society. Remember, your young boy will become a man tomorrow, and the way you raise him today will play a vital role in shaping his personality and mindset. Just remember, that the home is the first school of your child and you are his first teacher and the onus of teaching him right lies on you.
I AS A MOTHER HAS TAKEN THE OATH OF RAISING A RESPONSIBLE AND SENSIBLE SON- I AM ON MY MISSION
This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon 2024
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