Boys Too Can Cry
Boys Too Can Cry – Lets Break The Illusion About the Rights to Cry
For centuries, shedding tears has been considered a symbol of weakness, not only in India but across the globe. Hence, crying is often perceived as an emotion only for girls or women who are considered weaker than men in most cultures around the world.
Boys face frequent criticism and are compared to girls if they cry, even when they are just children. Thus, when they grow into adults, boys develop this deep-rooted notion that crying will destroy their image of an emotionally stable and reliable individual.
How & Why This concept Was Established?
If we look in the pages of history we can see men have taken on the role of the primary disciplinarians being nucleus of their families. To fulfill this role successfully, they had to pretend to be emotionally strong hiding their natural feelings of love, happiness, sadness, pain, and hurt. Failure to do so made the society feel that the man is incompetent, weak and not fit to safeguard his family.
As society became more male-dominated, boys got injected with the thought process that they should pretend to be tough. Boys, from their childhood, are forced to believe they should hide their emotions. So, any show of emotion by boys, even as children, was criticized. Boys Don’t Cry– This phrase established in the mind created a deep sense of superiority and masculinity. The trend became so common that the sight of a boy crying was considered a shameful act and something to be made fun of. Even centuries later, this notion is absorbed so deeply in us that whenever a boy cries, many parents tell him to stop crying. But why? Well, it is because he is not a girl. And also because the world says boys don’t cry.
Women and girls, on the other hand, primarily played the role of caregivers, besides being working women in many cases. Society allowed them to express their emotions freely. They can display their feelings without being made fun of. But why? Just like men, the inability of women to express their feelings was considered unnatural. For the society, it is indicative of some problem in her. Since crying is one of the few ways of expressing both happy and sad emotions, women would often be teary-eyed. Such a thought process soon led to the fact that women are weak, and so they can cry.
The sad truth is that even today, most societies disapprove of the act of boys or men crying. Those who choose to express their emotions by crying, society considered them weak. Many people not only support but also appreciate the unnatural behavior of suppressing their feelings by men.
Crying is a fundamental aspect of human emotional expression.
From the moment we are born, crying serves as a crucial communication tool. It’s a way of signaling our needs and discomforts. As we grow up, crying continues to be a way to express deep emotions. We can’t deny that it also helps to cope with stress. Scientific research supports the idea that crying has physiological benefits. Crying is a natural process that helps to reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels. It is the body’s primary stress hormone. Tears in our eyes are a form of non-verbal communication. It helps to convey our feelings that words sometimes cannot capture.
Several research studies revealed the fact that restricting tears can lead to various health and behavioral disorders. It can be harmful to individuals, irrespective of gender. Such acts also affect their loved ones.
Such behavior promotes social evils like gender stereotypes and inequality. Emotional restrictions also foster anger within men. It develops a sense of sexual superiority in them. Such complexity sometimes makes them insensitive and disrespectful. To overcome the anger within, men make use of abusive words and act abusive towards women. Many are not aware of the fact that suppressing feelings makes men less emotionally intelligent. It hampers their personal and professional growth. It restricts their ability to resolve conflicts and enjoy a cordial relationship with their family members and peers.
The Changing Scenario
Thankfully, this perception of boys crying being embarrassing is changing. Over the years, we have seen many boys and men, cry publicly without feeling ashamed. Salute to them for being so courageous to express their feeling with tears. In place of criticizing such men, society should appreciate their courage. It is time for us as a society to accept the fact that boys and men can be as sensitive and emotional as women. After all, they are human. There should not be any discrimination for men and women, boys and girls, concerning emotions. Women can be as emotionally stable and physically strong as men. So, rather than associating crying with any specific gender, it should be viewed as a way of venting their emotions by individuals in certain situations.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Dr. Preeti Chauhan.
I have told my son that it is okay to cry. It’s crazy how men and women were SUPPOSED to be and handle things. WITHOUT giving any thought to emotions.
Crying is a natural way of releasing emotions. They can bring both joy and grief, and eventually release. I don’t know why we have stereotyped life into genders and dos and dont’s. It gets confusing. Good to read your article that gives a good insight into the scientific values as well.
I am a woman and I cry rarely, I do not think that makes me less human or less womanly. Of course, no one wants a crybaby but you have raised such a valid point, why should one gender be made to repress their feelings just because they belong to the male gender?
You are off course a strong woman, and I like the mystery smile you always keep on your smile.
That’s such a lovely topic to discuss. I have seen my father cry only once, when I was very young, when my mother was very sick and the doctor has given up all hope. So far, I have never seen any male crying. It’s time we normalize that.
I am a cry baby cuz I cry at the drop of a hat but to be honest it does make me uncomfortable to see a grown man cry (Little boys don’t have that effect on me). Maybe like you said Samata, it is ingrained in our minds that ‘men shouldn’t cry.’ However, over the years I have learnt to cope better with men crying and I guess I am ok with it now.
I remember this ad that ran a few years back featuring Madhuri Dixit. The tagline was ‘ladke rote nahi’ and in the end they show how boys who are ridiculed for crying grow up to be abusive husbands and problematic human beings. Your post reminded me of that ad and it highlights the same things. I’m glad things are changing, and people are becoming open and accepting of being weak and vulnerable, be it men or women
Thank God for advancement in such cases! It’s so idiotic that we allowed ourselves to be fooled into doing things “rightly” or “wrongly” based on our gender and how society chooses to see us. Great article that needs to be read more.
This is one of the many baseless things taught to us and so unfair to over-disciplined boys who grow up into lonely men who can’t express themselves. I’m glad that it’s changing since it shows us girls in poor light too. If anything, women are emotionally stronger than men!
Crying is human and shouldn’t be classified on the bases of gender and I see nowadays men cry more the women. So yes like everything else the cry times are also changing.
Cry is the natural emotions which both girls and boys have. My brother’s used to cry a lot when they become adults and we as a family accepting that. Letting out emotions make them feel better. I hope society will accept this soon. And so arrogant and angry behaviour of men’s will come down.
Even today showing emotions are considered weak. That is because boys are made to feel tears show weakness. They grow up not knowing how to handle emotions. That is indeed sad. I liked the way you went about it and wish we did learn to show our emotions without fear.
I wonder why this concept ever came into being. Can’t those who form the nucleus be vulnerable? In fact, in tough situations, it’s the women who are more strong when compared to men. Most of men have to pretend; but like you rightly pointed out, this perception is slowly changing.
It is so important to come out of these rigid gender definitions and limitations and instead allow everyone to express themselves and cry. Mental and Emotional health need to be prioritised over these old traditions of gender roles.
As mental health and talking freely about emotions has became more open nowadays rather than a taboo, I guess it only is time to make our man still feel manly despite shedding a few tears….okay, let’s make that a bucket of them! They are human too and making them show their emotions shouldn’t be put against their gender or their role at home.
Congratulations on the top blog, Samata. My son was a very emotional boy and I raised both my son and daughter the same. Boys don’t cry is something created by society down the ages. You have touched a very relevant topic
This is one of the important topics to discuss in this era. The more we are socially involved, the more we feel isolated at home or within. These days this perception of boys crying being embarrassing is changing and we are taking it as a great way. They are also human and they have full right to showcase every emotion, which might decrease the anger or violence at home.
It is the sad reality of our society. Men are supposed to act tough even when they want to cry or express their feelings. Good that some men are breaking the mould. This change is highly appreciated.
So true. In our times, men were not very emotional. Happy or sad. Finally, people are understanding that it is okay for men to cry. It does not make them weak.
I’ve seen men struggle with this, and it’s heartbreaking. Crying is just a way to cope with feelings, not a sign of weakness.
I am blessed to have been born into a family where men can show emotion and cry. That said, the stereotype still exists and they are sometimes labeled as weak. All this bravado of “being strong” does more harm than good.